PSA: This may be more of a reflection piece than an actual big idea article. Read the inner workings of my brain if you feel like it.
My roots are something I think about a lot. I think about my family, where I grew up, my ancestors, how long I’ve been gone from home, when I might be going back, what the future holds for me and those I love. No one can know the future, and no one can really tell how strong their roots actually are, but I think everyone has an idea of what they are connected most strongly to in this world.
Sometimes a person will have such strong ties to their roots and their home that you can immediately tell. They embody their home and everything they consider to be important. Everything they do and say will have a certain feel to it. They legitimately feel and have the vibes of their hometown. On the other end of the spectrum there’s also some who have zero ties and continue to explore and follow their own whimsical will by hiking across the country or moving to another country.
I can’t decide what end of the spectrum I am on. I do have strong values, ties, and things I care about, but none of those involve a location. I want so badly to explore new things and to spend my life moving about, but that’s never actually a feasible idea. When it comes to my roots, I know where they are from and I know what they entail, but I’m not completely sure I can bring myself to care about that. It’s much more important to me to focus on the people in my life instead of where I live, or where I plan to live. Doing something new and fulfilling is much more important than living at home. Taking the risks and chances to do what you want is not something many people have the guts to do. Hell, not many people even know what they want. If anything, knowledge about what your mind, body and soul need out of life is the most invaluable thing you can acquire. If what you want is to move away and do something that’s unique to you…is that a bad thing? Is it ever a bad thing to know what you want? Or, even more so, what you don’t want? Is it weird that I don’t want to live where my entire family is located? I know so many people that have moved across the country without their family and have taken the adventure of a lifetime because it fits them better. Those are the people that I want to model my life after. To go do and see what I want, without hesitation. In no way do I need or want my life decisions to be based on the biased preferences of my family. That might’ve been harsh, but I can’t stand the idea of other people making my decisions. My life is mine to live how I please; no matter how much I love those around me and appreciate their advice. In the end, I’m going to do what I see fit for my body, mind, and soul.
In no way does this diminish the love I have for my hometown, or where my family lives, but it’s not as much of a magnet for me as it is for others. I do not, in any way shape or form, feel the need to move back to where I grew up. I would prefer not to, actually. The idea of spending the rest of my life in a place that I already know like the back of my hand makes me feel incredibly stuck and trapped. It’s also worth it to mention that this is not me trying to escape my family. I love my family dearly and always will…but that’s not going to tie me to my hometown enough to live there for forever. My love for them isn’t gone because I simply decide to not live there. If anything, if I actually end up moving abroad at any point in time, I’ll be closer to my roots and ancestors than ever before. I’ll get the history of my family that simply doesn’t exist in America. I want to keep moving for as long as I can and keep doing things for as long as I have the time. If that means heading out west or back down south, I’ll probably do it.
I’m not too sure if this completely disregards everything I just typed, but I am currently moving back home to attend graduate training for the next two years. All of these opinions and ideas are most likely going to evolve along the way, but I don’t think my entire disposition of claustrophobia in life is going to go away. It will certainly be interesting to see what happens next. Being bigger than myself includes allowing myself to change and evolve along the way so that’s what I plan on doing.